Notes from Dad’s
Death compiled by Joyce Williamson, oldest daughter of Max M. Howe (May 27,
1935 – March 5, 2013)
Bob and I drove
down Monday, Feb 25, 2013. (Arlington, Texas to Kingwood, TX) Bob took a week of vacation time to help
out. I packed to stay longer if needed.
On Thursday,
February 28th, my Dad seemed different..sleeping more, no appetite,
etc. so Mother called for an extra nurse visit.
The Hospice Nurse, Mary, said to watch him overnight, but also start the
smallest dose of morphine as the strees/pain indicated in the eybrow, brow, and
clinched fists were pain indicators. And
she said he might be in or starting “transition”. She warned that anything ingested –water or
food—the danger of going straight to the lungs, so we were instructed to wet
his lips with the small sponges. Dad
showed no aversion to the bitterness of the morphine which indicated his sense
of taste is diminished. He slept well
until midnight and was a little restless---arms and hands to face to wipe eyes
and nose. Mother and I observed his
breathing all night, but did not see any other indicators like rapid
respiration, etc. At 4am I stood next to
his bed and he said, so sweetly, so gently and softly three times: “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
And “I love all of
you” and “thank you” whenever we gave him a sponge of water to sip or put water
on his lips.
Friday, March 1, 2013
The aide gave him
a bath, and washed his hair. Output is
down and no blowouts (bowel movements) since yesterday morning—had to change
the sheets with that last one.
Breathing
easy. Sleeping and coughing and clearing
throat seldom compared to spitting yesterday. (he always was a phlegmy
person). The wet, combed hair gives him
a much more normal appearance to me.
More noble compared to the wild-professor look of the bed-hair
head.
I sent out an
email to everyone saying that I am so thankful all have visited that
could. And please pray for strength for
my Mother as the next stage indicators to watch for, and being up and down with
Dad all night can physically wear her out….
We so covet your prayers thus far, as we see God working so smoothly, seamlessly.
We’d ask him if he
was in pain, and he’d say, no. We played
music on the laptop, sermons on the radio KHCB.
Saturday, March 2,
2013
4:30 am I felt a poem coming on as I sat in a chair
beside Dad’s bed so Mother could sleep.
So, I got up and wrote my thoughts down in a rough draft. Basically, it documented Dad’s illness for me
to help with the chronology. Mother said
Dad had not felt good in years. (two
hospital stays, one in January, and one in February… Jay and Mother brought him
home to die under Hospice care Feb. 8th? Our sons visited the next weekend of Feb. 16th,
to say goodbye and help. Tina came and
stayed 10 days. Jay came back on
weekends. Bill the weekend of Feb 23rd.) We witnessed Dad rally for
visits from church members visits: Vance
King, Pastor Larry, and members brought jokes that made Dad smile, stories, and
food for all of us. Pastor Larry shaved
Dad a couple of times, and helped lift Dad for clean up jobs.
5:30am I asked Dad
how do you feel? He replied, “Terrific”
The loogies make
me gag at first. Hocking loogies,
spitting at 6:30am Saturday. (but, then,
he was always a spitter) It helped to
sing this to the Count your Blessings song:
Hocking Loogies get them off your tongue…
Sunday, March 3,
2013
Bill called on his
way to church. We put the phone to Dad’s
ear.
Don Huber called
and Dad said, “Don!” as I believe Dad recognized his voice.
“JIM ! JIM ! JIM!”
when we put the phone to his ear when his brother called from Illinois.
Bob prepared to
leave Sunday, and then we sang some hymns for Dad. I had read some Psalms aloud that morning, as
Mother requested a few by number, too.
Our first hymn, “It is Well” ---Dad belted out the mens’ part in the
chorus. “Be Still My Soul” (Bob’s fav)
and “Overshadowed” p. 263 in the Making Melody hymnal Mother found for me. Dad sang it as a solo at Berachah years
ago. (Claire posted on facebook that
Grant in Sunday School had learned that Jesus healed the blonde man.) My Dad
has been practically blind since catarak surgery. A genetic problem was discovered after which
he emailed everyone about at Christmas.
So, Jesus truly did heal the Blind man in our story.
Bob left for
Arlington at 1pm and called us at 4:44pm.
3-5pm deep restful
sleep. Finally. 7 breaths per minute.
5pm awake, asleep,
awake, asleep. Snoring.
6:40pm told him
who I was and asked if he wanted water? “I love you” was his answer.
7pm turned on his
left side all by himself. We re-arranged
covers to match, but he only stayed there 10 minutes or so.
8pm legs up,
uncovers himself. Is he bothered by itching? (when we asked later, Tomeka
suggested it might be a morphine side effect.) We put sweat pants on him
because he just would not keep covered.
Mother administered secretion medication and morphine.
Monday, March 4,
2013
7am sleeping
8am visit from old
neighbor. Sleeping good.
9am Tomeka, the
wonderful aide that came by M-F to give him a bath, came and positioned him
with his head high up. He usually slept
after a bath because it seemed to wear him out, but his nap stretched 2 hours,
then 4, and the Hospice nurse, Mary could not rouse him patting his feet,
putting water on his lips, poking him in the chest. His arms and legs stayed where Tomeka had
positioned him. I continued to watch him
from the foot of Mother’s bed with Dad’s laptop perched atop some hymnals. At 7pm, I noticed his breaths had increased
from the usual 7 or 8 a minute to 12 to 13.
We were amazed how
long he was sleeping—from 9am Monday until 1am Tuesday…no moving, hands and
legs in same position. Such a contrast
to Sunday.
I want to remember how when we went to bed, knowing how Dad was, peaceful, not moving, wondering, was this the night? Would he get to go to heaven tonight?
Tuesday, March 5,
2013
1am Dad coughed. The first sound we had heard him make in 16
hours, and it had been 18 hours since last morphine dose.
2am we cleared phlegm, used drops, rinsed his
mouth
3am breathing 26
breaths per minute
3:15am morphine
dose. Only slight eyebrow movements.
More phlegm clearing.
4:20am another
morphine dose after Mother called the Hospice nurse.
4:40-5am set a Tommy Nelson sermon from Denton Bible
Church going to give us something to listen to while Dad breathed rapidly---as
high as 30 breaths per minute.
http://dbcmedia.org/sermons/2-samuel-1/ (link to the sermon)
5:25 to 5:27
(Dad’s birthday is 5-27-35) I noticed that Dad’s breath was finally softer,
slower, with spaces, and I touched Mother’s shoulder to say, I think he is
going.
I thought the
clock said 5:35am when we saw him breathe his last few breaths, but, we sat and
watched him a while to be sure. Felt his
hand, chest. Such a peaceful end. A peaceful face. Eyes closed.
I called Bob, and then Mother called Mary, the Hospice nurse.
6:44am Mary
started taking vitals, and declared him at 6:46am. That is the time that will appear on his
death certificate. But we know when he
died. I wonder if he started to leave us
earlier, as he had always moved his arms, hands, legs and feet until 9am
Monday. Was his brain stem just
breathing for him from 9am until 5:25am the next day? Did he have a stroke? It does not matter now, but because Mary had
told Mother that she would see her Wednesday, Mother seemed to think the nurse
did not think he would die until after Wednesday. Mary and Mother washed his body, crushed and
destroyed all pills and medication, and in another hour, the first of the two
funeral home men arrived.
Funeral home men
came to pick up the body with a gurney.
Carrying his body out covered in a red velvet blanket. then the hospital rental company picked up the
bed, oxygen equipment, etc.
Jay arrived before
noon. Helped Mother re-arrange, vacuum,
took us out to lunch.
(Later, one of the
men came back to answer questions, and pick up the pictures for the video at
the Memorial Service.) We started making
phone calls, going through Dad’s cell phone, wait on calls about the church
time availability. 5pm Memorial Service,
with 4pm family visit time at Kingwood Bible Church around the corner Saturday,
March 9th. (Pastor Larry and my folks attend a church that meets at the Y, but
Dad lead the singing at KBC for many years.) Mother tasked Dick Mills to lead
the singing of hymns. Only Pastor Larry
is to preach. Mother had to answer a hundred questions from the life/science
people on whatall Dad had been given, vitamins and prescriptions. After the body is cremated, ashes will be
taken to Illinois to where his headstone waits in the spring—better weather.
Memorials (no
flowers) go to: Jack Young Benefit fund
for Emily Young at any Wells Fargo 4080.
Memorial Service to be held at: Kingwood Bible Church,3610 West Lake
Houston,Kingwood, TX 77345
Here is Pastor Tommy Nelson's comment from my email telling him about the last sermon Dad heard:
Joyce,
There can be no greater honor for a
pastor than to be the last words from earth before a saint enters into the
presence. He went victorious into a glorious reception... we have a mansion in
the heavenlies.
Press On,
Tommy
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Tommy Nelson
Senior Pastor
Denton
Bible Church
Equipping the Saints for the Work of the Ministry
2300 E.
University Drive
Denton, TX 76209
940.297.6700
www.dentonbible.org
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Subject:
your sermon last Sunday was the last one Dad heard
Dear Pastor Tommy Nelson,
My husband and I enjoy listening to your sermons
online. I spent a week near Houston with my parents last week as my Dad was
dying of liver failure. He has been a strong Christian for 40 years. I was
helping my Mother at his deathbed, and yours was the last sermon he heard this
side of heaven! Your sermon of Sunday, 3-3-13, which is jam packed with so
much---I have had to listen to it four times, and I don't think I have it all.
wow. My Dad was breathing rapidly about 4am, and I set your sermon going on his
laptop and at the end, the online audio cuts off before you say, Amen, but I
noticed my Dad's breathing was getting shallower, softer and spaced out. I told
my Mother, I think he is going...and we watched him take his last breaths.
wow. so peaceful. an answer to prayer! Dad just slipped away to heaven home
when you were finished speaking. How polite! My Dad's name is Max Howe. He
would turn 78 in May.
I
just thought you'd like to know. Thank you for your faithfulness. Your sermon
was such a comfort! Love, Joyce Williamson
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