Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Took my vitamins today

Beautiful day here weather wise.

I finally broke down and called our doctor and got an appointment. The front desk of said medical practice says I have not been there since 2006 which is hard to believe. I usually show up once or twice a year for urinary tract infections and coughs or something. But, I avoid going to the doctor like the plague. Because no matter what your ailment---oh, by the way, did you happen by a mirror lately and notice you are fat?? It never fails. I do not see the connection between a sore throat and my obesity, but what do I know?? My friendly chiropractor keeps things working. But female stuff is wearing me out. I have even grossed out my dear, patient husband. And one does not get much housework done when one has zero energy.

Anyway, a trip to the medical doctor is blog fodder in my opinion because they give you and hour to ponder a good blog post. And why does the rebelliousness in me rise up when I see signs on the walls forbidding cell phones?? Why, we could all be texting our friends and neighbors and passing the time more enjoyably, but, NO. No cell phones. Or what? Does it interfere with their equipment?? Praytell. Please. I gotta know the reason behind these rules that I am forced to stare at for over an hour. And a few people cheated. Should I tattle? And the waiting room TV turned to some medical channel cable show. I was ready to take a vote on turning that thing off. Please. I think a soap opera would have been more entertaining. Soup in winter. Who knew?? But, watch the salt, and if you make it from scratch, you can control the salt. Good grief.

And I am thankful they fit me in. But, why not be honest and say, you are last?? And you will feel forgotten. And that is okay. And why does the nurse that leads you to the entry want to take your weight first thing?? Okay. And I could have saved her time on the blood pressure cuff---do they never check big men?? Damn that thing bites. Mine was normal, which was a surprise. Doesn't angry show up on your blood pressure?? And here, honey, I know you feel faint, but perch up here on this high table. Right. I am 52 years old, and cranky. I did not fit in your lovely reception room chairs. I will sit over here in the corner, thank you.

Isn't it fun how we get to answer the same questions three and four times??!! Maybe they compare notes later to test your honesty. And even though we have dragged ourselves down to this building for 27 years, the insurance card is more important than any history of paying promptly for 27 years. I kid you not. You just feel all wanted and appreciated when the clerk tells you you have been "pinked" which means she has marked your chart with a pink marks-a-lot, and you must come back by here on the way out to make sure your insurance company has not changed their mind. Pinked. Think I can get away with it in Scrabble tonight? I am going to try. But, Bob does not always take minimum wage worker words as gospel.

DUB. The doctor is sending me to a specialist, a gynocologist. What fun. And they did not trust me to make the appointment myself. I got to stand next to "Regina's" desk for twenty minutes while she made the arrangements. Remember the part where I feel faint? I got to imagine myself laid out on the floor, as the only chair was taken. But, I made it. And was sent on to the lab for bloodwork. I asked Regina what DUB stood for, but she said she forgot. The lab lady knew her stuff. And filled three vials lickedy split. I thanked her for her skill. And trotted the paperwork back to the doctor's office like I was instructed. I thought for sure they'd ask for a urine specimen, but alas, no. I drank all that water for nothing.

The front desk lady mumbled something about us having a health savings account, so I could go. Whew. I am usually guilty of using the wrong card, or not getting the proper receipts. With trips in my future to a specialist and another lab, the paperwork and receipts will add up for months, and six months from now, we will still be trying to sort this day all out.

I came home and googled DUB. Dyfunctional Uterine Bleeding. And wouldn't you know it---caused by obesity. Wow. What would they do without us fat people causing major ailments?? The tests will rule out cancer. And the bloodwork should reveal my hormone balance or imbalance. And seeing as how I was ready to snap---let's hope its hormones and not just my old sin nature?! Ha.

I got the birdfeeder filled today. And sat in the sun like a mud turtle for a few minutes. Vitamin D wouldn't hurt. Church tonight. And a whole dishrag knitted to prove I not only collected blog fodder, but used my time wisely whilst waiting. And amazed my fellow inmates. Some ladies remark they crochet, or they wish they knew how to knit. Others ooohh and aaahh over the knitted garment emminating from my two sticks (knitting needles). And little kids grin and stare in disbelief, today's little guy was too dumbstruck to even ask a question. His mom was constantly on him to sit still, and I don't think he could to save his life. While knitting entertains the kids, I have to be careful they don't fall on them as they creep ever closer in wonderment. I could have sold a dozen today. Didn't think to bring the finished ones with me. And I have to think of some other word for dishrag. Dishcloth sounds more elegant, somehow.

I got DUB. How lovely. Wonder if the blood work showed me anemic? forgot to ask that.


Bob said...

It's kinda like that Sonny and Cher hit: I Got You Babe

You say the nurse ain't heaven sent
Before your turn, the doctor's time is spent.
They took your blood, you peed a lot
But at least you didn't get a tetanus shot...

Babe ... You got DUB, babe
You got DUB, babe!

joyce said...

You are tooooo funny! Thank you for that. I can hear it!

I'd much rather get a tetanus shot than the stirrups exam today, believe me. I just hope I don't fart or sneeze on the doctor being incontenental. He may get more samples than he was desiring. Wish you were there...